Time To End It All
by Carlafanx
Summary: This idea is from @carlasbarlow on twitter - who is the one person who is able to get through to Carla at her most vulnerable point? Set 7th Sep 2015. Contains suicidal behaviour that may be triggering.


"Buckle up, Barlow. You're in for a good ride."

As Tracy clips in her seatbelt, Carla speeds off down the cobbles. She didn't know what she was doing, all she knew was how she wanted this day to end.

Guilt consumed Carla; she couldn't function anymore. Their was no point in everything and all she wanted to do is get away from it all. To get away from her head. She knew that she'd been drinking but that didn't matter to her anymore, what was the point in caring about drink driving when she may not live to tell the tale?

Tracy rolled her eyes, looking out the windscreen as the car passes blossoming plants and trees. The outdoors was all too perfect, especially for this scenario. She didn't have time for Carla to be messing about; she wanted to get back to her daughter and to stay as far away from Carla as possible because it was slowly killing her seeing the older woman torture herself. She's never been one for having a guilty conscious but it was something about Carla, something about her that had changed from within. She was genuinely scared for what she would do next; she knew how much this was eating away at her and the guilt was too much to bare.

But she couldn't tell the _truth_.

Tracy was always number 1, she came first. She just hoped Carla would stop the car soon so she could get out.

"Have you been drinking?" Tracy asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Eh?"

"I smell booze."

"Oh yeah, forgot to add in that little detail when we set off on our little adventure." Carla winces, sarcastically.

"Carla!" She shouts. "Let me out of this car, now!"

"Nothing is going to happen-..."

"I don't care. I have a daughter to take care of, thank you very much." Tracy states, watching Carla's face drop before the barriers came back up.

"I'm a pro," she shrugs, ignoring Tracy's last comment. "I've been driving drunk more times than I have sober."

"I don't think Stella Price would agree with you there." Tracy mutters before huffing in annoyance. "Stop here, I'll get out."

"Chill out, Tracy. We're not going to crash!" Carla snaps, stopping the car suddenly and getting out.

"Carla?" Tracy questions, following the brunette out of the vehicle.

"There you are," She hands Tracy a card for a taxi. "Lenny's cab, just down the road."

"Well what are you doing here?" She frowns, looking around her.

It looked like they were in the middle of no where, nothing but dirt and shrubs surrounded her. But their was elevated paths, suggesting they were on a cliff. Their was no reason for Carla being here, no buildings were in sight.

"Me and Rob used to come round here."

"That doesn't answer my question. Come on, let's go home." Tracy smiles, weakly.

"Home?" She sniggers.

"Yeah. Home," She nods. "In weatherfield."

"That place is not my home anymore. Hasn't been for a long time."

"Shall I call Nick?" She asks.

"Don't you dare call him. I don't want to speak to him."

"You know what, I've had enough of this." She puts her hand up before turning around to leave.

"Good." Carla laughs, taking a swig of her vodka before walking up to the higher level of the cliff top.

* * *

20 minutes later, Tracy is in the back of a cab on her way home.

Her fingernails were repeatedly tapping her phone screen; she was stressed. Maybe she shouldn't have left Carla?

She knew Carla would undermine anything she had to say, their was no way she'd get her to listen to her.

But she worried about what Carla could do, she wasn't like herself. Should she tell someone? As usual, Tracy was planning on thinking about herself and forgetting about Carla's episode to stop herself from feeling guilty but their was something telling her she just couldn't do it.

Scrolling through her contacts, she found the man she was looking for and started the call.

It was just about to go to answer phone when...

"_Hey, Trace. You okay?_" Peter's voice echoed through.

"Peter-..."

"_Are you alright? You sound really shaken up. Where are you?_"

"I'm in a cab on the way back from a cliff top."

"_A cliff top? What the hell are you going on about?_"

"Carla's up there. I've tried telling her to come home but she isn't having any of it." She explains, hearing nothing but silence for a few moments.

"_Carla? Why?" _Peter's heart sank.

"Guilt, I think. Peter I'm scared about what she's going to do."

"_You know we're not together, right? What's this got to do with me?_" He swallows, forcing himself to say the words. He still loved Carla so deeply and it hurt him every day to know she wasn't his anymore.

"You're the only one she will listen to, Peter. Maybe you can talk some sense into her."

Tracy was so grateful Peter was back in town for a few months. He decided on staying until Christmas to support Ken after the death of Dierdre so although the circumstances where painful, Tracy needed him right now. Only Peter could save Carla...

"_Okay. Tell me where she is and I'll be there."_

* * *

Carla's legs dangled over the cliff edge, she moved over to the highest spot as she found it more satisfying there.

The drop seemed like it never had an ending. She could barely see the ground beneath it, was it a mixture of distance or tears?

Tears cascaded down her contoured cheeks, her bottom lip trembling slightly. She tried taking a series of deep breaths, to calm her erratic heart.

She was here to end her life, surely this is what she wanted.

But no, she was doing this because she felt like she had no other option. She wouldn't do this if she didn't believe their was another way out.

Looking up at the clear blue sky, everything looked so normal. So still. She tried taking everything in before it was her time to go; the sky, the clouds, the sun beaming down. All these things she'll never see again.

"I'm sorry." She whimpers, quietly.

A sob passed her lips, all the held in emotion finally being released. All her feelings had been put into drinking or gambling, this was her first time letting it all out the way her body needed to.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She cries, getting louder and louder.

"I know I'm a bad person. I know it. This is what I deserve. I can't do anything right, I ruin everything. This will help everyone."

"Time to end it all." She stands up, flinging the now empty vodka bottle over the edge.

Moving closer to her fate, she takes a deep breath in and out. This was it.

_In. Out. In. Out._

"Carla?" A concerned voice interrupted her thoughts.

She turned around, swiftly. Eyes darting around before finding where the voice was coming from.

"W-what are you doing here?" She quivers.

"Stand away from the edge, love." He whispers, moving closer.

"Keep away." She mumbles, turning round and looking back at the emptiness in front of her.

"I know you're struggling-..."

"You don't know anything about me anymore."

"My dad told me about the Victoria Court fire. That must've been really hard on you but you need to know that it's not your fault." He reassures her, his voice shaking.

"It is my fault. All of it," she cries. "Sophie thinks that, so does Kal's family...I can't take it anymore."

"Car, just step back."

"No. You shouldn't be here."

"I'm here because I care about you and I want to help you."

"You can't help me, theirs no way out now." She replies.

"Please," he begs. "This is not the answer. Please."

"How can you sleep at night?" She asks.

"What?"

"Knowing that Tina is six feet under because of you, because of what you done."

"You've just got to move on. No matter what I do, it isn't going to bring her back. So theirs no point in thinking about the what ifs or getting too upset over it." He explains, watching as she looks down.

"I can't stop thinking about it. I can't sleep, I can't eat. It's destroying me, Pe'er."

"I know, baby." He whispers.

"And it's all my fault." She sobs.

"No it's not!"

"Just like it was my fault that our baby died. Everything is m-my fault."

"Carla," a single tear falls down his face. "Do not say that. What happened to our baby was not your fault, not in the slightest."

"I couldn't keep her safe. I couldn't help her." She sniffs

"No one could-..."

"I was supposed to look after her. She was growing inside of me, i-it was my job to look after her."

"These things can just happen." He shakes his head, slowly walking over to her.

"A mother's role is to protect their children and I couldn't even manage that before she was born. I can't do anything right."

Raw, heart-wrenching sobs all came out in one. Her mouth hung open, eyes red and sore and her hand was raking through her hair.

Peter couldn't reply, a hand went to his mouth to silent his cries, his face crumbling. He carried on taking small steps towards her, hoping she wouldn't notice. Now he was closer, he could smell the strong fumes of alcohol and panicked at how unpredictable she could be in this state.

"Carla, loads of women lose babies every day. It was nothing you had done."

"But I ruin everything. I hurt everyone I touch."

"It should've been me that died that night, not Maddie and Kal." She adds, stepping a little closer to the edge.

"Just move back," he repeats. "How will it change anything if you fell?"

"It'll take me away from this nightmare, away from everyone I've hurt and then maybe they can carry on with their lives."

"Why don't you move to LA then? This is not the answer."

"Nothing will work. I need to go...permanently." She whispers.

"Please," He inhales. "We could go to Portsmouth. Or even go on a boat again and sail the Caribbean. I know how much you loved that."

"With you?" She releases a deep cackle, emotion still present. "As if."

"You loved it last time."

"Yeah and that was before you broke my heart." She snaps, bitterly.

"Think about everyone you're going to hurt if you jump off, Hmm? Do you really want even more people to be hurt because they will be. Their lives will never be the same again, it'll ruin everything. Because we all love you."

"No one loves me." She shakes her head.

"Yes they do. Nick, Michelle, Roy..." He sighs. "Me."

"We are ancient history, Pe'er."

"Are we? Because right now, I can't think of anything worse on planet Earth then you doing this." He replies.

"I don't want to do this, y-you know. But it's the only option."

"Carla-..."

"I just want someone to come behind me and...push me off." She whispers, closing her eyes.

"I don't think anyone would offer."

"I'll hold you to that," she chuckles. "You think it'd be scary with your eyes closed but it's not. Makes it more exciting."

"Please, move away."

"I've got an idea..." she puts her hand in her pocket. "Heads or tails."

"What?"

"Heads I stand. Tails I fall."

"No. Carla, no!" Bile rises to his throat.

She tosses the coin in the air, catching it and placing it on her hand.

Taking a series of deep breaths, she mumbles something inaudible before picking it back up.

She gulps; _this was it_.

Peter stood behind in anticipation, he'd stopped breathing and was staring at Carla intently.

"Tails I fall." She announces, tears filling her eyes as she looks at Peter for a second before going to jump.

"No!" Peter yells, grabbing her waist and pulling her into him.

"Get off me!" She screams, throwing her limbs about and trying to break free.

"I'm not letting you do this." He cries, walking back so they weren't as close to the edge.

She carries on screeching; hair flying about into his face, hands trying to un-grip his, kicking him repeatedly in the shins...

It broke his heart, seeing this woman he adored being so desperate to kill herself.

"Carla, no!"

"I just want to die. I want to die." She breaks down, kneeling on the ground and sobbing loudly.

His body envelopes hers, wrapping himself around her and kissing her head. He's known her for 5 years, they've been through so much together but he'd never heard her sound this defeated before.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay, baby."

They carry on consoling eachother on top of the cliff, because that's all he could do to help her now.


End file.
